3.9: Death visits

Christmas Eve. This time the knock on the door is unmistakably loud. A voice calls out: “Is Froggie here?” Froggie throws himself backwards out of his chair and into the cluttered corridor that leads away from the public parts of the Swan Hotel. He hears the front door swing open and a slow tread. He has never been so afraid but, in a strange way, it almost comes as a relief. After ten weeks, this is finally ‘it’.

“Is Froggie here? I am Death. [Is Froddi eeyuh? Ah’s Def.]”

(The reader should note that Death speaks the same dialect as Froggie, which both would label, misleadingly, the Queen’s Own English, or, as they would actually say ‘Ver Kwin’s Orn Indlish’. For convenience in understanding this dialogue, both what they mean and what they say is set down. The straight " stands for a glottal stop replacing double T or CK.)

In a blind panic and with no thought of grace, Froggie throws himself under a pile of shoes in the space beneath the stairs.

“Is Froggie here? His Death awaits. [Is Froddi eeyuh? Is Def awi"s.]”

With sudden inspiration, Froggie realises a key metaphysical truth of both the visible and invisible universe. Death is species-specific! That is why it is his Death who awaits! He digs into the pile of shoes, pushing his head into a slipper and replies finally with the normal energy and activity which he has lacked all autumn and tries a stupid, foolish, probably pointless feint. But it is his feint.

“There is no Froggie here! [Vrin"s nor Froddi eeyuh!]”

“Are you not Froggie? [Is yoo no" Froddi?]”

“I’m Samuel Shoe. There’s no one here but we shoes! [Ah’s Samyool Shoo. Vrin"s nor won eeyuh bu" us shoos.]”

“Oh.” Death replies with a doubtful pause. Moments pass.

But without finding out, nor now at last even much caring either way, whether this elementary ruse has been successful, Froggie lapses into a faint and knows no more.

The final episode will be available at 10am tomorrow, Christmas Day.