5.15: The Order of the Sponge
At first nothing happens. But then they begin to hear a song gradually rising in volume as it seems to approach, although they never see its singers.
(Verse 1)In the shadows we gather, as knights of the cloth,
The Order of the Sponge, its mission our troth.
With sponge and iron, we ride through the night,
To cleanse dusty robes, and filthy evil fight.
(Chorus)
Oh, the Order of the Sponge is noble and bold,
By pilgrims on the road, our tales are told.
The Order of the Sponge: no stain remains,
We cleanse the world and end its banes.
(Verse 2)
Through valleys and mountains, we bravely tread,
With sponge and iron in hands outspread.
With each stride we take, in the company we keep,
We vow to cleanse, and never to sleep.
(Chorus)
Oh, the Order of the Sponge is noble and bold,
By pilgrims on the road, our tales are told.
(Verse 3)
(Verse 2)
Through valleys and mountains, we bravely tread,
With sponge and iron in hands outspread.
With each stride we take, in the company we keep,
We vow to cleanse, and never to sleep.
(Chorus)
Oh, the Order of the Sponge is noble and bold,
By pilgrims on the road, our tales are told.
The Order of the Sponge: no stain remains,
We cleanse the world and end its banes.
(Verse 3)
On roads where darkness lurks, and dangers lie in wait,
Chevaliers press onward, to ease each traveller’s fate.
For in our hearts, a deeper hope resides,
To cleanse not surface dust, but where the canker hides.
(Bridge)
With each crease smoothed, and each wrinkle pressed,
We bring comfort and warmth to the traveller’s rest.
With sponge and iron, we’ll cleanse the dust and grime,
With each crease smoothed, and each wrinkle pressed,
We bring comfort and warmth to the traveller’s rest.
With sponge and iron, we’ll cleanse the dust and grime,
And stand against corruption, until the end of time.
(Chorus)
Oh, the Order of the Sponge is noble and bold,
By pilgrims on the road, our tales are told.
(Outro)
So if you find your garments, dusty and worn,
Know the Order of the Sponge, we’ll soon adorn
With sponge and iron, we’ll make things right,
For grubby travellers, in the day and night.
(Chorus)
Oh, the Order of the Sponge is noble and bold,
By pilgrims on the road, our tales are told.
The Order of the Sponge: no stain remains,
We cleanse the world and end its banes.
(Outro)
So if you find your garments, dusty and worn,
Know the Order of the Sponge, we’ll soon adorn
With sponge and iron, we’ll make things right,
For grubby travellers, in the day and night.
So if your clothes are ragged, dirty and torn,
The Order of the Sponge will soon be sworn.
With sponge in hand and iron bright,
We’ll cleanse your path, through the day and night.
“I don’t think J.R.R. Tolkien would have been proud of the song” muses Lottie. “It doesn’t really scan, does it? And...” - suddenly channelling her boffin tutor - “doesn’t ‘adorn’ need some sort of grammatical object more appropriate than ‘sponge and iron’ in the next line? I don’t think the next attempt is any better, actually. ‘Sworn’ to what?”
But the others seem not to notice her as they scan the horizon. They must surely be in the presence of the mystical Order?
Suddenly a voice rings out. “Who dares try to singe sacred cloth on St Joseph of Arimathea’s feast day?” And then someone else adds more quietly: “(At least, by the Greek reckoning.)”
“We did!” both pTravis and Masongill cry. “We need help with an invasion, an infestation, of bulb spiders!”
There is then a strange silence as though they are being weighed up and perhaps found wanting. Afterwards, pTravis will report that he thought he heard someone mutter dismissively: “Not members and quite the wrong words!” And then the song starts again but seems to move away:
In the shadows they gather, those knights of the cloth,
The Order of the Sponge, their mission aloft.
With sponge and iron, they ride through the night,
To cleanse dusty garments, and filthy evil fight.…
The Order of the Sponge, their mission aloft.
With sponge and iron, they ride through the night,
To cleanse dusty garments, and filthy evil fight.…
“Wait for us!” shouts pTravis. And then in a moment of inspiration Lottie calls out: “The bulb spiders are making a terrible mess!” Unfortunately, at just this moment Moffat the sheep arrives, curious about the rumpus, and, against all propriety, both pTravis and Masongill leap onto his back, shouting “Giddy up Dobbin! Follow them!”
Oh well, thinks Lottie and jumps on too as they all career into the night on the back of their startled colleague.